Amelia's Place

NEW JOURNAL

2007-08-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

I've moved the whole operation over to my new website:

http://www.ameliajune.net

I have a blog and other things over there. This blog remains as kind of a placeholder as well as a way for me to comment on other blogs. Come visit me in my newer digs!

--Amelia June
http://www.ameliajune.net
http://www.wickedwhispersauthors.com

The Great Move

2006-03-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

I've moved! I'm settling in here:

LiveJournal

I *think* this will be a good move for me, several reasons why. There may be some construction dust around.

If you want to read protected entries (largely dirty), please let me know in an email and I will put you on the list (you need a LJ account, free).

Email me here: ameliajunemail@yahoo.com

Ciao!

And It's Official

2006-03-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

I officially did NOT win.

Oh well. I really didn't expect to. It's kind of like gambling, you know you are going to lose, but you get a little excited anyway at the possiblity of winning.

It's ok, I'm not devestated or even really discouraged. Give me a few more rejections, then we'll talk. But this is something I want to do, so I'll keep plugging away. I've already found another place to submit The Jason Factor, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and I'm going to keep plugging away at new stuff. Someday...heh. I have a hard time putting fingers to keyboard as it turns out. I'll get to it, though, I'm not giving up on this dream. No way.

The Contest

2006-02-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

I entered announces the winners tomorrow. Here's what I wonder--if I won, wouldn't they have let me know by now? Advance notice and all that?

Well. I'm a bit anxious to find out, even though my chances are slim. Still, it would be great to win--to be published for the very first time. Thrilling, really. I think I can submit The Jason Factor a few other places if I don't, though. May as well, I'm quite fond of the story and the feedback I received was positive as well.

I have a new story idea for an anthology being published about women on top, so to speak. It involves the dentist--big shock since I've spent more time in the dentist chair lately than at home...I think it will make a good story, just have to appeal to the muse. Wonder if she likes coffee and chocolate.

Right Then

2006-02-18T05:59:00.000-08:00

I got some pretty bad news last week, the kind of news that makes you go "Oh."

The kind of news that makes you not know what to say or how to react or how to be supportive or loving to the people involved.

I hate being intentionally vague in my own space, but I have to, because it isn't really mine to share--it is about my husband's family.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the triviality of life.

I've definitely fallen into a little low grade depressive episode. Sex drive is the first casualty, followed quickly by self esteem. I've started stressing over my body image, worrying about how clean my house isn't, and being generally unable to follow through on things. I scheduled a dinner visit with a friend at the same time as a client (TWICE). Hope she doesn't hate me! I keep forgetting all the errands I have to run, despite keeping at least two or three to-do lists about. I get like this when I anticipate change and am freaked out about it.

One would think that my job would make it worse, but in fact I love working because it gets me working on something with purpose. House cleaning, while valuable, just has no ending, ever. My work has attainable goals, at the very least.

But worrying about all this stuff is pretty petty when faced with more powerful situations.

I'm trying to remember my skills--take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, lots of positive self talk, stay on task and be productive. Hence--blog entry! And other writing! I have a few errands to run, and I will run them today.

Oh, I forgot to add that I am finally done breast feeding. It's been three days of no nursing at all, and before that he was nursing once in the mornings, and it has just faded away. He did fantastic. I find myself surprisingly sad about it. Probably because he is my last baby, and I know just what the passing of his infancy means. No more, ever. Strange. I don't want more children, I am quite satisfied with two, but something about the ending makes me feel very sad.

Lots going on, nothing overly clear or manageable. I hate that out of control feeling, but then again, that's another lifelong struggle...

Last thing--the most important thing for me to do is get over it and support the people I love. Yeah.

Yay

2006-02-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

Two stories for the writer's group finished, just under the wire.

One is called High Noon, from the POV of an addict. An interesting experiment in first person present tense (HARD!). I found this one very difficult to write on many levels, so I am pleased to see it in the universe.

The second is basically a fictionalized version of my year in review, nursing a baby at midnight. I really like both stories, they bookend each other nicely.

I am interested to see what everyone else came up with.

And the reward for finishing trumps all--a trip to the faire! Woot!

Flash

2006-02-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I missed the deadline for the Desdmona stiletto Flash contest. That really chaps my hide, because I had a decent little story for it--500 words, no more. I know that professional writers spend a lot of time both writing and marketing their writing, and sometimes I wonder at my level of dedication. I could complain that between a very demanding little one and a job and another little one and a husband and a home that I just don't have time, but I know the best writers make the time.

On the bright side, I still go to my writing group weekly, and I've finished one of two stories due to them so I know I can still write after the 80K or so I wrote in November/December. I don't think I'm a prolific writer, though. I don't churn out story idea after story idea--my writing is a forced struggle every time. I literally have to chain myself to the computer and get it done. I enjoy the product, I enjoy getting the stuff out of my head, but it isn't what I would call easy work. Still, I'm not a quitter, so I'm still plugging away.

For your reading pleasure (whomever you are :), I present my Desdmona non-entry (adult content):

"Removal"
by Amelia June

Sssnick.

That is the sound the knife makes as it leaves its sheath.

Now the voice against my ear, all hot breath and sharp whiskers on soft skin.

ÂThis is what you get, lovely, for wearing those Âfuck-meÂ shoes. IÂm gonna fuck you now, and those shoes are gonna stay on.Â

He means the five inch stiletto heels, strapy black with my painted red toes showing through the French silk stockings. The arch in my foot accentuated to inhuman curve, the length of my leg enhanced and feminized. I suppose I do have it coming, after all.

Cold blade slides under silk, a slight pull away from my skin, and a swift slice all the way down to my foot in one long stroke. The stocking falls away, split down the middle like some bloated melon. He does the other stocking, and I felt the air rush over my thighs. I freeze, afraid. Aroused. Anticipating.

His stiletto, my stilettos. Weapons of mass arousal.

ÂIÂm gonna fuck you, lovely, gonna give you my cock.Â

Zzzip.

That is the sound his cock makes as it leaves its sheath. It flops out of his denim pants, points at me accusingly. It blames the stilettos too.

Large hands paw at my backside. Silk dress bunches over my thighs and hips, exposing me. Gooseflesh raises the hair on my ass, rough hands become suddenly gentle as he caresses me. The shoes raise me to dick level, and the fat head nudges my opening. My own cock throbs plaintively.

ÂIÂm gonna fuck you you fuckinÂ fag, and thereÂs nothinÂ you can do about it.Â His voice sears my eardrum, his hands grip my hips in a vise. I have no escape. I want none.

At the last second before he enters me I feel the lube spill over my ass crack, even colder than the frigid air. One, two fingers push inside, then without warning his cock fills me. Grunts fill the air around my head. He fucks me, as promised. His cock is large. Familiar. Invasive.

I feel myself come on my thigh, where the stocking would have been. A drop of semen traces down, down, until it slides neatly under my arched foot. I slide forward, toes jammed into the base of the shoe.

He lets out a low moan, then unleashes his own stream of semen on my asshole. I shudder, then sigh. I am satisfied.

A wad of twenties finds a home in my bra.

ÂSame time next week, lovely. Bring the shoes. They suit you.Â

Muse Gone Haywire

2006-01-26T10:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I've had little impetus to write lately, and I think, with the help of my fellow writers, I figured out the cause.

I'm trying to write a story from the perspective of a woman on crack, something I have intimate familiarity with (though I have never used crack, no way no how). The story is something I want to capture for many reasons, but I am too close to it. The writers suggest writing outside this woman's point of view, like, the POV of a friend or even a counselor or something. Giving it thought. The story is also cleanly unlike my typical erotic stuff, which may have something to do with the block. Trying to write something "real", that is, something that captures a myriad of emotions and complexity outside the bedroom doors (or whatever, heh), is a struggle. I'd rather just write the fun stuff. But how can I write good fun stuff without pushing myself? Yeah, I have to finish this one, even if it is really hard.

Not that erotica is always clean or easy or basic, just that I am comfortable writing in that space.

Anyhow, the group promises a write in and there is a deadline, so I have support for my blockage. What an invaluable thing!

BTW, it doesn't help that I have a one year old terrorizing the house as he learns to walk and open every cabinet and eat every stray dog hair. Sigh. Beautiful torment.

Sigh

2006-01-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

It is weird to know the entry date has come and gone for the contest I entered. I can wait and wait and never hear anything about this again, I know that. That is an odd feeling, to have put something out into the universe I may never hear from again.

That said, the wind is a bit low in the sails for writing. I write slow, I write deliberately. I have an idea brewing, a story half written, but for some reason I can't put it to paper. I know I'll get there, but it is slow going.

My Weight Story (long)

2006-01-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

I came to the weight issue a weird way. I was a thin kid, never had problems until puberty, then I ballooned quickly into a very large junior high student. What a terrible time to get fat. I mean, I was tortured in junior high--so badly I've forgotten large portions of it. I remember getting my hair pulled so hard it brought tears to my eyes with pain. I remember trying to run the mile and being so far behind my teacher would come finish with me. Every week. Pure hell. Didn't help that we were broke and couldn't afford decent clothes. I had ill fitting, bad looking clothes on most of the time. Thankfully, I managed to find a crowd of friends to fit in with. I always had friends, even when most people wouldn't talk to me. I have an uncanny ability to seek out like minded folk who are a bit on the outcast side themselves.

Ugh, junior high. I suppose no one wants to go back to that hellhole time. But I survived.

I went to a great high school, had very good friends who loved me for who I was. I got teased, but by then I was better able to handle things. Then, my mom got the strangest notion that it was "time" for me to loose weight. So she dragged me to the weight loss center and I did. I lost a lot of weight. I became, well, normal anyway if not thin. I discovered the attention of boys. I was attractive, I could wear nice clothes. Life was great.

And like M. Night Shyamalan, here is my twist. I was far worse off being thin than fat. Somewhere deep inside I learned the lesson that I was only valuable now that I had a nice body. Boys had noticed me before getting thin, but lots of boys noticed me now. So I entertained them, and I met many jerks and abusive guys, eventually marrying one. I learned I was only worthwhile as a body, not for my mind or heart since most people had ignored me when I was fat. I made new friends, "cooler" friends, who suddenly noticed me. I lost ties with my closest and dearest friends, though we still talked I was distant from them. The people who accepted and embraced me for me disappeared from my life as I started to believe in my core that I was worthless except for my looks.

I married someone who took advantage of my emptiness and used it. He was verbally and emotionally abusive constantly, bombarding me with my worthlessness and I believed every word. I began to gain weight again, out of high school, mostly because I had no money for healthy food and no self worth at all. My husband cheated on me constantly and I knew it, though I denied it. I assumed it was my fault, he told me as much anyway. I had a baby, I got even fatter. Now, because I had lost weight and learned that my body was my value, I had absolutely no value now. I was nothing. Totally, completely nothing. So I stayed even though I knew to leave. I stayed for a very long time because I was nothing.

Eventually, I met someone. A friend. A big girl like me. My "cool" friends had long deserted me, and my good friends were around but I was ashamed. However, this new friend J took me in, under her wing, and taught me. My philandering husband actually left me eventually--I guess he had new spirits to break--and I was alone. She took me out. Taught me about the store Lane Bryant, where big girls could shop and look decent. Told me I didn't deserve to be treated in the way I had been. She helped me cut my hair, dress like a human being not a potato sack, and find value in the way I was, right then. That, plus lots of therapy, helped me accept myself the way I was. Am.

I met a man. Strangely, he was the same boy who had showed me attention back in high school--he liked me for me then, and still did when we met again. He was kind and gracious, and found me beautiful for all my flaws and history. I married him, and I'll not let him go again.

I guess the long winded point of all this is that, while others strive for self esteem by losing weight, I gained my self esteem by accepting it. Being thin never worked for me. Being fat is part of my identity, a part of what makes me a whole person in the world. I have no desire now for thinness, simply good health and being entirely me, valued and cherished for the person I am. And when I say valued, I mean by me, not by others. I accept that I hold worth and value set apart from what others think of me. I honestly look in the mirror with more pride now than I ever did as a thin person.

I know I rub people the wrong way when I say these things. Few understand how I can believe that being fat is ok with me, but mostly it is. Granted, I have my days. I live in America after all, land of the wanna be thin. But here I am, all of me. Take me or leave me, ya know?

Yum

2006-01-11T07:29:00.000-08:00

As Monica from Friends would say, Humna humna humna

Vin Diesel. I'm not usually attracted to muscly guys like this. If your man boobs are bigger than mine, no thanks. But it's the look on his face, the gleam in his eye, and the way he can deliver a one liner that really clinches my love for Vin. If you haven't seen the Riddick movies go right now and rent them. Even the animated one, because it was awesome too.

Note to Self

2006-01-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

There's a short contest at eharlequin.com, 1000 words due January 16th. May or may not be able to make that one.

It calls for a proposal story, not necessarily a marriage proposal. What other proposals are there, I wonder...

Done

2006-01-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

I submitted The Jason Factor to Amber Quill's Heat Wave contest today. Scary. It is a bit like sending a child off to college after raising it. I revised and re-revised that thing until I couldn't look at it and see errors anymore. Or all I saw was errors. Either way, it was time to let it go into the universe and do what it will.

If it doesn't get accepted by Amber Quill, I might try a few other places, and if nothing bites I'll probably post at least parts of it here. Might as well put it out somewhere, right? I enjoyed the process of writing and revising--I learned a lot about crit, a lot about a good revision, and that the first draft is always crap.

Carry on my wayward story, I hope you find a home somewhere!

Yum

2006-01-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is totally a cliche, because what woman isn't in love with him? But still, feast on this:

He's hot. He's a pirate. He's a gypsy (did you SEE Chocolat?). He's a writer. He's a freaking chocolate maker. Dear God could he be more perfect? LOL, I can't help it. I have socks that say I love Johnny on them:

I just bought them. Aren't they cute? Click the pic for purchasing info, and no I don't get paid to advertise for Torrid. I shop there all the time.

Anyway, I could gush for days on the merits of Johnny. Leave it to say, if he knocked on my door, he'd be invited in. Oh yes, he'd be invited in. Even my husband would be serving drinks to this one. Sigh...

Reflections Meme

2006-01-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

I copied this meme from somewhere--I'm sure many have done it. I want to reflect on the last year once more before looking forward.

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Started this writing blog and venture. Improved my marriage in a major way. Coded my own website for work. Learned photoshop fundamentals. Bought a new new car. Trained a dog (kind of). Bit the bullet and reconnected with a few old friends. Joined a writing group. Wrote a book! Oh, and HAD A SECOND BABY!! He's as fantastic as the first one, but light years different. New challenges lie ahead for sure.
Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions. Or, I make them daily, I guess. I always have goals I'm working toward, new things I want to try. I would like to get back on that damn exercise bike every day. The baby is now mobile and not happy sitting in one spot for 20 mins though, making things much harder. Oh, and did I mention he doesn't nap?
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, me! And a good friend of mine. And another good friend of mine is due in July. Woot!
Did anyone close to you die?
My great grandmother died early in the year, but I can't say we were all that close. Still, she was my oldest living relative.
What countries did you visit?
None, but we did go to DC for a visit. That was fun and educational.
What would you like to have in 2006 which you lacked in 2005?
Sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. Intimate time with the husband. That's about it. I had no lack of joy this year.
What date from 2005 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
February 7th, thanks to the little one. New Year's Eve, for a different reason.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving major surgery, an open incision (twice), two bouts of mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, sheer exhaustion, a baby with acid reflux who eats 24 hours a day and continuing to breastfeed through the first year of his life. And WRITING A BOOK!
What was your biggest failure?
Total lack of patience with my husband while he learned about life as the parent of an infant. We had some tough times, the hardest we've had so far.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
See number 8, plus four rounds with evil stomach viruses and a couple colds, and some female issues. My immune system depends heavily on sleep, doh!
What was the best thing you bought?
Probably the new van, I luuuuuuuuv my new van. Also, if it hadn't been for buying Lauren Dane's Triad, I might never have considered trying my own hand at the genre. Plus it's a great book!
Whose behavior merited celebration?
My lovely husband, who has always been lovely but this year has been a real challenge to us all, and he came through better than ever.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The right wing, "W", and the Christian right specifically. Won't get on the soapbox though.
Where did most of your money go?
The house, the van, the kids. One really fun vacation. DIAPERS.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The baby's arrival. Writing.
What song will always remind you of 2005?
When I am King, Great Big Sea. Also Sally Ann by the same band.
Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier, way thinner thanks to getting the baby out, poorer in money, richer in spirit.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleeping lol. I wish I could have been more present for the baby's infancy, but we were just so exhausted.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying, fussing with my husband.
How will you be spending Christmas?
Um, too late for this one, but we spent it with family.
Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes, with my husband and kids every day. Especially the new one, because he was so difficult I had a hard time finding joy in him the first few months, but I remember looking into his eyes and just feeling that rush. He is most definitely one of mine, and cherished.
What was your favorite TV program?
Two--House MD and Medium. I also enjoy reruns of Charmed (dork alert).
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
What was the best book you read? Tough one. I loved Harry Potter of course, and there's the new to me scifi author Terry Bisson's short stories. I read Daughter of the Blood (see left) and loved it. I also read and enjoyed a bunch of Terry Pratchet books. Also the erotic romance genre was a fun exploration. No one favorite stands out.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps. Just kidding. Can't think of anything new.
What did you want and get?
A healthy baby (well, apart from the awful reflux).
What did you want and not get?
Not to repeat myself, but sleep! Hee hee.
What was your favorite film of this year?
Saw a lot of Netflix, loved a lot of them, hated some too. I guess my favorite movie in the theater was Harry Potter.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
My darling took me to a quiet, fancy restaurant for dinner. It was lovely and did I say quiet? I turned 27.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Sleep? No I'm kidding. This was by far my hardest year since getting married, but probably the most satisfying as well.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Penguin pajama pants and cami tops (great for nursing).
What kept you sane? Focus, intent, breathing through difficult moments. Eminem when it was really bad.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
This year? Probably Johnny Depp. Every year? Johnny Depp. And Alan Rickman. Snape is my baby's daddy.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage for all, women's reproductive rights, the fight for evolution.
Whom did you miss?
My grandmother, who isn't dead but who's joy in life seems to have vanished. My good friend who lives 3000 miles away.
Who was the best new person you met?
The tiny tyrant, who my life would be bereft without.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Patience and keeping my mouth shut. Being non-judgmental.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
All eyes on [him] from dawn till dusk Hanging on [his] every word Kings and queens never saw such a fuss Servants are waiting to serve...

Happy New Year!

2005-12-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well, the craziness of the month has finally waned, and I'm winding down the last few days of 2005 with my husband and kids. Sweet. I even went shopping three days in a row, lol.

I have nothing new to report, writing-wise. I have a few more tweaks to make on my AQ story, based on a few last minute readers. Then, off to the judges. I'm surprisingly non-invested in winning. Winning would be awesome, but it is the process that I value here. Plus, the story made the perfect winter holiday gift for my husband (that's why it was a secret). "The Jason Factor" made him laugh and contains a dozen inside jokes, including a main character that he found *very* familiar. I had it bound, with a cover designed by a graphic artist friend of mine. Thus I have my first book in print! Hee hee.

I've been working my way through some fantasy novels with erotic themes for inspiration. Research is good. I also have a list of recommended erotic romance to dive in to, but that requires more (online) shopping rather than a trip to the library, so I'm holding off for a while to give the budget a rest.

Overall, life is on the right track, peaceful and plentiful.

Here's to a prolific 2006!

Writing Front

2005-12-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

I am not overly prolific. Rather, I focus on one story at a time, written in chronological order from beginning to end (I understand this is uncommon).

Here are my current writing "assignments":

--I'm in the process of editing and cleaning up the AQ story. Submission is soon. I'm quite proud of how it is turning out.

--I just broke ground on the Desdmona contest. 500 words feels limiting after writing 50K, so it is a challenge. I have the basics of the story firmly in line, but am unsure whether my lovers are both male or male/female. I just can't decide...

--I'm considering a call for essays titled "She's such a geek". Not sure if I will tackle that or not.

--I have two short pieces to write for my group. We are taking two hours out of one day and writing a bit of fiction for each. I got noon and midnight, woot. One will likely be about nursing a baby, the other may be about drug addiction. Those are my primary focus outside of the AQ story and the Desdmona story.

--There's still Triple X to work on, edit and generally "deal with" somehow. I've been leaving it to pickle for now. I love the story, I just don't know if I can sell it. I know I got my friend who isn't a big fan of sex writing to read it and she was very supportive, so we'll see.

I am having a blast with all my plans to write, now I need to buckle down and do it!

The Dentist Loves Me

2005-12-20T15:17:00.000-08:00

Because I wrote him another giant check today. However, today the feeling is mutual because my tooth feels 1000 percent better. Plus, I look like either a pirate or a gangster with my temporary silver cap. The permanent cap is due in three weeks. Then, on to the other teeth. Sigh.

Speaking of my dentist, it is time for another hot yums installment. Check out this yummy guy:

B.D. Wong. My dentist looks somewhat like him, so life in the chair could be a lot worse! I found B.D. on Law and Order SVU, which also features the tasty Ice-T. I love that show...

Woot

2005-12-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

I'm stoked. I got my first round of crit last night, and I got excellent feedback.

First of all, anything "negative" they had to say was right on, exactly what bugged me about the story along with extremely helpful fix ideas. Specifically, I have trouble with dialogue (lots of "he said, she said, he said filtering). They helped me find some other alternatives.

And everyone complimented it, laughed in the right places, and generally appeared to enjoy it. I'm very very excited about that. If nothing else, I entertained some folks.

Plus, they all said the sex worked well in context.

I'm all excited to work on it more now. I hate saying "it" all the time, but the title is a secret for now. I'll spill it in a couple weeks when I submit, potentially with an excerpt.

It's Done!

2005-12-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

I finished the first draft of my AQ story, weighing in at a respectable 9900 words. Then I made the mistake of re-reading it right away. Man, I saw all the awkward parts and none of the good stuff. It took a lot of self comfort (and a bit of pre-editing editing) to send it off to the group for crit--I really was not proud of some parts. However, the story is fun, made me laugh to read it through, so I think I have something of value beneath all the stuff that doesn't work well.

It's funny, because I spent a lot of time learning to accept feedback of all kinds, lots of it negative, in training for my current career. I don't imagine this is any different. I guess I'm just an automatic worrier--will they like it? Will they think I'm a horrible writer? I'm the only person in the group who hasn't had a writing class or seven (or was an English major). I don't know where this urge to compare myself with others comes from, but I hate it.

I wonder if I can take out a hit on my inner critic. That's a story idea...

Pushing Through

2005-12-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

Time to write is one challenge, what to write is quite another.

I'm at the point where the hot sex should be occurring between my characters in my story, and I am having a tough time.

I think I do better with an outline, at least a loose one. This story was a great premise without direction, so I'm struggling to find it a beginning, middle and end that make sense.

Blarg. But it's fun, so I'm hanging on to that.

Busy Week

2005-12-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

We're entering the busiest time of our year. The fun starts with the December holidays (we celebrate a few), then we have three birthdays in January, one in February (my little one's first!), and anniversaries and birthdays in March. There's Valentine's, school, my work picks up as does my husband's. Things really don't slow down until April.

This week alone we have school concerts, school parties, work parties and tons of baking on the agenda. Just to make things interesting, somehow my wallet has disappeared. I don't know if it was stolen or just lost to the universe. Now I am worried about identity theft and automatic payments and credit cards. I have to replace all my ID--ever try to get ID without ID? It's not easy!

Of course, I have my own personal goals to meet as well. I've finally reached the sexy portion of my AQ story, then a wrap up and off to crit. I hope it is worth a second look by AQ! I also plan to enter a short story contest at Tell Me a Story, Desdmona. The 500 word limit will be a challenge!

I can't complain about life at all though. My family is healthy, my marriage is happy and the weather here is heavenly. Life is tough, but very good.

Yums part two

2005-12-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

But first, a dental update:

Owwwwwch, I had the first half of my first root canal today. Ouch on the mouth and ouch on the pocketbook, but I know it will be worth it eventually. SEVEN shots of novocaine!!! I am apparently not an easy numb. That may be why I developed my fear of dentistry to begin with--I remember a lot of pain as a kid, maybe I just wasn't listened to. Anyway, once he got me all numb, it went ok. It wasn't bad at all. Half of my face is still numb three hours later, but everything is starting to ache, so I took a pain pill and expect a lazy day ahead! I'm just thrilled that I took that first step. He took a look around my mouth and said "oooooh" in such a way that implied lots of pain for me and a new Ferrari for him. Sigh. Someday, my mouth will be back to normal!

And now, for Mr. Yums of the day:

Steve Valentine, playing Nigel on the TV show Crossing Jordan.

My friend says that the way I describe my second male MC, this is who she pictures and I whole heartedly agree. He is geeky, smart, lanky and mad sexy. My MC doesn't have his sexy accent, though. Yum yum!

Yums

2005-12-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

I suddenly realized I can go all googly over hot guys in this blog, woot! My first yums installment is the guy one of my main characters in Triple X is based on. Introducing Jian Ghomeshi! Isn't he delicious? He was one of the band members in Moxy Fruvous, a lesser known Canadian band (here in the States anyway).

As usual, I'm so jealous of my main character Abby, she gets to consort with this specimen whenever she wants!

For more about the band or the hotness that is Jian, check out the website:
http://www.fruvous.com/

We Now Interrupt This Blog

2005-12-07T16:06:00.000-08:00

For a freak out moment:

Who on earth is going to publish me?

I wrote a book with no genre. Is it erotic? Yes. Is it romance, erm...well, there's tons of romance in it, my three characters fall madly in love and stuff. Is that the main motivation of the book though? Probably, kinda, maybe not. Is it more like some other genre? Not really. Fiction is such a broad label, but no other label fits either. It's romance, it's polyamory, it's suspense (sort of), it's even a little sci fi, if you stretch enough.

Arg.

Plus, it has lots of opinionated social commentary, which may or may not be accepted well. In this *particular* political climate, potentially very NOT WELL.

This may not be the book to make it, which is fine. But I wonder, can I write something acceptable to a reputable publisher?

And how can I be a good crit partner or get one when I've never done crit before? I want to, I've, um, read a lot of books. Heh. Not exactly a resume worthy statement. I'm worried about being accepted, being taken seriously, and getting good feedback from people I trust. Where do I meet people like that, anyway?

FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, phew. Got that over with. Maybe it's just the dentist thing getting my panties all in a bunch.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I want to do this because it's fun and my life's ambition from the time I was five and wrote "The Scary Gost". I can do this.

The Dentist

2005-12-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

Dear lord, I actually did it. I made a dentist's appointment.

I haven't been to the dentist in ten years, apart from the wisdom teeth removal in college. That was ok, because they put me under.

I've been through some crap in my life, so not much scares me anymore. I've learned loads about fear and what it means. I've had four tattoos willingly. I've had two kids by cesarean, and the most recent kid left me with an incision that opened twice and mastitis twice (and I did not quit breastfeeding even when my nipples bled). I'm not really that much of a wimp when it comes to pain.

And yet, for years even the "thought" of the dentist sent chills down my spine. I hate being so cliche, but there it is. As a result my teeth are a total disaster area--at least three have broken and I'm in constant pain. You would think that would have sent me in, but no, I learned to live with it rather than face my fear. I'm not the kind of person who runs from scary things, except in this one case. Even my husband didn't know how bad it was, because I was embarrassed to be so wimpy. Luckily, all the damage is in the back, not visible. From the front, my teeth are near perfect, white and straight. Always have been.

Now, one tooth has gotten so bad it is cutting into my tongue. That hurts, and somehow was the catalyst that got me on the phone, finally. I made an emergency appointment--not so much because I can't wait, but because I know that the sooner I get in and experience it, the less I'll be able to build up the fear and panic in my mind.

For now I focus on the positive--if I get them fixed, no more pain! No more carefully chewing to avoid the bad spots, no more extreme sensitivity to temperature changes in food (can't eat hot food then drink a cold drink, ouch). I'll be able to be proud of myself for conquering one last childish fear, and for braving the pain. And I'll be practicing the self care I'm always telling others about. Can't be a hypocrite, after all. And writing here kind of keeps me honest, coming out of the dental work closet, so to speak.

Sigh, it may not be sexy but at least I'll get writing fodder out of it, right? And if it's really bad, I'll have an excuse to do nothing but sit and write all day.

Flexing the Muscles

2005-12-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

50 words:

First she hears the snick snick of the scissors from somewhere near her left ear. Nearly every sense is heightened thanks to the silk blindfold.

Second she feels the cold flash of steel on the flesh of her inner thigh. Her skin ripples with goosebumps.

Last, silk stockings slide away.

(Is goosebumps one word or two? Heehee)

NaNoWrapUp

2005-12-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

We had our "thank god it's over" party last night and I stayed until 1 a.m. Good times.

Most of the people seem to be interested in starting up a writing group that meets weekly or every other week, which is good. They may not be erotica writers, but any help I can get is good at this point. Excerpts were read, and I enjoyed hearing everyone's work. Lots of fantasy and sci-fi, and few of us take ourselves too seriously, very important.

*Still* working on my story for AQ, it is fun to write but I keep trying to rush it, which is running me up against walls. Need to sloooooooow doooooooooooown.

I'm busy reading 8000 different writer blogs and trying to gather information, get to know people out there and basically sponge as much knowledge as possible from those that have been successful before me.

Lastly, I figure that I am totally justified in buying many titles from Ellora's Cave and other publishers--gotta know the market after all! So, my latest indulgence was Jan Springer's A Hero Needed. I liked it, super sexy characters. I hadn't read her other Hero books, so when I was halfway through and all of a sudden there were space ships and self-lubricating butt plugs I got a bit of a shock. "Hey," I realized, "this is set in the future!" Duh, Amelia. One thing I notice in a LOT of the romantica I read is the 'deus ex machina' quality--self-lubricating butt plugs, fantastically rich characters, conveniently placed beds, etc. I love to see how writers can remove common difficulties by simply creating some totally over the top solution. Self-lubricating butt plugs--I WISH! Hee hee.

Courage

2005-12-02T16:04:00.000-08:00

I was perusing blog skins and came across this beauty. I decided she had to be the herald of my author blog--without courage this ship is going nowhere fast!

I like her, she's bold and beautiful and all fairy like.

I sent off Triple X to two trusted friends who will probably have more to say than "oh it was good". One already pointed out that I inadvertently named one of my MCs after a New Kid on the Block--bwahahahahaha! Ah, what your subconscious will vomit up when writing under pressure. He'll be getting a new last name in revisions!

Still working on the Amber Quill story. I find that when I get stuck, it usually means I'm going too fast, trying to get the story out too quickly. That's where I'm at now, so I'm headed back to rework a bit.

Busy busy!

Amber Quill Contest

2005-12-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

Talk about intimidating, but I am considering entering the Amber Quill Heat Wave contest in January. That means I have to finish up the story I'm working on now, edit and get it read over and some major help on it by Jan. 1 for submission. Crazy.

Apparently, they don't even take submissions apart from this one contest. Eh, can't hurt to try, right? I mean, the more writing I do the better, the more practice I have the better, and the more rejected I get the tougher I'll be over all.

Actually, I'm not too worried about rejection. I think my training for my "day job" has a lot to do with it--if I can survive being called a 'cunt' by a raging drug addict I've spent the last few months busting my ass for, I can survive some editor telling me I have more to learn about writing!

I'm more worried about getting my writing under control, rather than the meandering stuff I've always done for my own amusement. Practice practice practice and good crit partners, I'm told.

Here's to crazy ideas!

Intro Post

2005-11-30T10:14:00.000-08:00

This is my new blog. I'm an aspiring writer of romantica, erotic romantic novels. I've just completed my very first novel as part of NaNoWriMo, and I'm very proud.

I'm not sure if Triple X, the NaNo, will be the novel I try to market, I am going to spend the next few months working it over, learning about the editing and crit processes, growing a thick skin for crit, and gaining as much knowledge as I can about publishing. I think my target is going to be online pub for now, with an option to change my mind.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to write more. I have one project, more of a novella, underway now, and plan more to come.

I think in the short term this blog will be private, just a place for me to vent or whatever. In the future I will probably start advertising it, with excerpts, as a way of getting my name out there.

Hi, I'm Amelia, and I write sex!