Right Then
I got some pretty bad news last week, the kind of news that makes you go "Oh."
The kind of news that makes you not know what to say or how to react or how to be supportive or loving to the people involved.
I hate being intentionally vague in my own space, but I have to, because it isn't really mine to share--it is about my husband's family.
Anyway, I've been thinking about the triviality of life.
I've definitely fallen into a little low grade depressive episode. Sex drive is the first casualty, followed quickly by self esteem. I've started stressing over my body image, worrying about how clean my house isn't, and being generally unable to follow through on things. I scheduled a dinner visit with a friend at the same time as a client (TWICE). Hope she doesn't hate me! I keep forgetting all the errands I have to run, despite keeping at least two or three to-do lists about. I get like this when I anticipate change and am freaked out about it.
One would think that my job would make it worse, but in fact I love working because it gets me working on something with purpose. House cleaning, while valuable, just has no ending, ever. My work has attainable goals, at the very least.
But worrying about all this stuff is pretty petty when faced with more powerful situations.
I'm trying to remember my skills--take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, lots of positive self talk, stay on task and be productive. Hence--blog entry! And other writing! I have a few errands to run, and I will run them today.
Oh, I forgot to add that I am finally done breast feeding. It's been three days of no nursing at all, and before that he was nursing once in the mornings, and it has just faded away. He did fantastic. I find myself surprisingly sad about it. Probably because he is my last baby, and I know just what the passing of his infancy means. No more, ever. Strange. I don't want more children, I am quite satisfied with two, but something about the ending makes me feel very sad.
Lots going on, nothing overly clear or manageable. I hate that out of control feeling, but then again, that's another lifelong struggle...
Last thing--the most important thing for me to do is get over it and support the people I love. Yeah.
The kind of news that makes you not know what to say or how to react or how to be supportive or loving to the people involved.
I hate being intentionally vague in my own space, but I have to, because it isn't really mine to share--it is about my husband's family.
Anyway, I've been thinking about the triviality of life.
I've definitely fallen into a little low grade depressive episode. Sex drive is the first casualty, followed quickly by self esteem. I've started stressing over my body image, worrying about how clean my house isn't, and being generally unable to follow through on things. I scheduled a dinner visit with a friend at the same time as a client (TWICE). Hope she doesn't hate me! I keep forgetting all the errands I have to run, despite keeping at least two or three to-do lists about. I get like this when I anticipate change and am freaked out about it.
One would think that my job would make it worse, but in fact I love working because it gets me working on something with purpose. House cleaning, while valuable, just has no ending, ever. My work has attainable goals, at the very least.
But worrying about all this stuff is pretty petty when faced with more powerful situations.
I'm trying to remember my skills--take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, lots of positive self talk, stay on task and be productive. Hence--blog entry! And other writing! I have a few errands to run, and I will run them today.
Oh, I forgot to add that I am finally done breast feeding. It's been three days of no nursing at all, and before that he was nursing once in the mornings, and it has just faded away. He did fantastic. I find myself surprisingly sad about it. Probably because he is my last baby, and I know just what the passing of his infancy means. No more, ever. Strange. I don't want more children, I am quite satisfied with two, but something about the ending makes me feel very sad.
Lots going on, nothing overly clear or manageable. I hate that out of control feeling, but then again, that's another lifelong struggle...
Last thing--the most important thing for me to do is get over it and support the people I love. Yeah.
posted by Amelia June @ 2/18/2006 05:59:00 AM
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